


Something To Remember You By

by violent_ends



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Post-Season/Series 04, Sad, Winged Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-31 01:47:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20107153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violent_ends/pseuds/violent_ends
Summary: [SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED SEASON 4]Left alone in Lucifer's penthouse, Chloe tries to come to terms with his absence. Turns out Lucifer also has trouble with letting go, so he comes back for one last goodbye.(tiny bit of smut in the end)





	Something To Remember You By

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first work in this fandom, and writing it helped me process the ending of season 4 (I am a bit late to the party but I am all caught up now!). I hope you enjoy it :)

Chloe could still see him, if she closed her eyes. Could still hear the faint flapping of his beautiful wings flying away, the sound weaker and weaker until it was just a low whisper in her ear. Could still feel his hand on her cheek, his lips on her lips. So she closed her eyes again, a little longer, and gripped the glass railing of the balcony until her knuckles turned white. She didn’t want to turn around and look at the empty penthouse. She didn’t want to admit he was gone.  
  
_I’ll never see him again_, she realized. Not if she believed herself to be good enough to go to Heaven, from which he said he was banned. _I’ll never touch him again. I’ll never kiss him again._  
  
She took a shaking breath and finally opened her eyes. Slowly, oh-so-slowly, she turned around and looked at Lucifer’s apartment, or what used to be his apartment. She took in the destruction left by the demons, but it didn’t register in her mind as much as the things that were exactly where they were supposed to be. The things that had always made the place his.  
  
The ancient books and memorabilia on the shelves. The expensive leather sofas. The black piano and its reflection on the ceiling. The whiskey bottles on the bar.  
  
Still trembling slightly, she walked in. She touched the surface of the sofa as she passed, then walked all the way to the piano. She sat down and shakily touched the keys, remembering when they had played together. As if in mockery of her despair, the demons had managed to leave a half-full glass on the piano, exactly where Lucifer had left it.  
  
She traced a circle around the edge, her chest heavy with regret. She wished every touch would comfort her, she wished every object that had been his would make her feel his presence, instead his absence only became more painfully obvious. The time they had wasted, for one reason or the other, lingered in the air like a heavy fog.  
  
Because if she had accepted him from the start, maybe, just maybe, none of that would have happened. If she had seen from the start that, deep down, he had always been the most magnificent of angels, she would have had time to love him, to cherish him. Instead he was gone, gone to a place he despised to keep the people he loved safe; and all she had left was a couple of stolen, bittersweet kisses and the confusing, life-altering notion that she was the Devil’s first love.  
  
_How am I supposed to deal with that?_ she had asked about Lucifer being the Devil in the first place. Yet, that dilemma was behind her now, and there was something new she didn’t know how to deal with. Losing him.  
  
She stood up from the piano and walked into the bedroom. Sitting on one side of the bed, she remembered the time she had woken up in it, convinced they had actually slept together. He had tricked her into thinking that was the case, but for a very brief moment, way shorter than he would have liked, she was sure. Caressing the soft, black sheets, she also remembered the bullet he had given her as a gift and the hug they had shared.  
  
Surprisingly, the fact that so many women had slept with him in that bed – but not her – didn’t bother her in that moment as much as she thought it would. She wasn’t jealous of them. She knew they had always been meaningless to him, with the exception of Eve. But deep down, she had regrets. Of not touching him that way, not tasting more of him beside his lips. Not knowing how it would feel to be held by him at night, to be woken up with a kiss, to come undone under his hands.  
  
She wondered what he was thinking in that very moment. Even after everything, it was almost absurd to think that he still existed somewhere, but not on Earth where everyone else was. Did he eat and sleep down there too? What did Hell look like, exactly? And most importantly, how did Lucifer feel? She hated to imagine him sad, lonely, abandoned.  
  
Chloe knew she would have to move on, eventually. She also knew he had condemned himself to a life much worse than the one she would live, although much longer. How was she supposed to enjoy the sun, knowing that in that same moment he was in the dark bowels of Hell? How was she supposed to enjoy music, while he sat on his throne in haunting silence, away from the piano he loved to play?  
  
And God, what was she supposed to say to Trixie? Suddenly, it all became very real. She knew her daughter would never forgive him for leaving without even saying goodbye. Maybe, Chloe could actually tell her the truth when she was older. He owed it to her and maybe even to Lucifer himself, considering his sacrifice.  
  
She didn’t know what to do with herself at that point. What was she supposed to do, take something from the penthouse like a creepy stalker to cherish his memory, as if he was dead? God, she didn’t even have a picture of him (and going back to take the photograph of Lucifer in Nazi Germany from the priest’s scrapbook wasn’t exactly the right way to go about it, she figured).  
  
She was terrified. Terrified of forgetting him, even though she knew it was impossible. Terrified of being unable to fill the Lucifer-shaped hole left in her life. Terrified that her sorrow and regret would end up drowning her, suffocating her, choking her, because that's what she felt like right there and then.  
  
If only he had stayed a little longer. Maybe a couple of days, or a week. Just- something. Something to get him out of her system somehow, something to hold onto that wasn't a sad moment, or a funny one but tinged with falsehood, because that's how she considered all the time spent with her not believing the truth he had said all along.  
  
She buried her head in her hands and cried softly.  
  
_I love you. Please, don't go. I love you._  
  
She didn't know how long she had been sitting there when she heard the now familiar sound of angel wings cutting the night air. Her breath stuck in her throat, Chloe looked up from her hands to find Lucifer standing between the stairs and the piano, his wings still wide open.  
  
"Lucifer" she whispered. She wanted to add “You came back", but she was too scared to assume. Maybe he had forgotten something he needed, like toiletries. Maybe he decided he wanted all his suits to be in Hell with him, just to shake things up.  
  
Lucifer stared at her for a moment that seemed to last forever. He looked sad, so very sad, but there was something else in his eyes. He was pondering something, thinking whether he should do it or not, she could tell.  
  
"I- I forgot something" he croaked.  
  
Chloe tried to hide the deep, devastating disappointment she felt in realizing nothing had changed, but she knew she wasn't in control of her emotions. Unable to even answer him, she stood up from the bed to give him space to fetch whatever object he thought he needed without her standing in the way.  
  
But before she could walk down the first step, Lucifer’s wings disappeared with a shrug of his shoulders, and God's fallen angel walked up to stand in front of her, inches from her. Chloe looked up at him, still unable to speak.  
  
"I forgot to do this", he whispered, before crushing his lips against hers in a kiss that was sweet, yes, and loving, yes, but desperate in a whole new way that made her understand instantly what he meant, what he wanted.  
  
She wound her arms around his neck as he cupped her cheeks with his hands, the cold metal of his ring almost tingling against the wet streaks of her still fresh tears. She let her body get what it craved and got closer to him, letting him have her as he wanted, taste her as he wanted. She would let him do anything to her, anything to give him something to remember her by.  
  
But as his lips moved downward, to her ear and neck and collarbone, her hands buried in his locks, she couldn't help but plead and beg again.  
  
"Please, Lucifer" she said, her eyes closed. “Please, stay.”  
  
Lucifer froze, his breath hot and rugged against the skin of her neck. He was holding her by her hips with restrained force, she could tell. His fingers were digging in, hard, but not hard enough to leave a bruise.  
  
"Chloe" he said, lifting his face to meet her gaze – and it was _Chloe_ now, not _Detective_, not anymore. “Chloe, don't do this to me.”  
  
"Do what?" she asked.  
  
“Don't torture me this way.”  
  
And that was enough. She wouldn't ask anymore. She would never hurt him again, after everything. So she nodded, trying to suppress a dry sob, but before it could threaten to escape her throat his lips were on hers again, shushing her.  
  
Lucifer pushed her towards the bed by moving forward, his thumbs stroking her tears away as they kissed, until he ended up on top of her on the sheets. Chloe gasped as she felt his whole body on hers for the first time. It was nothing like the dream she had had; it was real and raw and painful and pure bliss all at the same time. She had never felt that way, with anyone. She had never felt like every nerve ending of her body was on fire.  
  
“I couldn't just leave like that" Lucifer mumbled, pressing his groin down on hers before moving downward, trailing kisses between her breasts, but without moving the blouse. “I couldn't. I have been dreaming about this for too long.”  
  
_Me too_, she thought, trying not to picture a pair of red horns on his forehead again. And it wasn't that difficult to do, because she knew he wasn't a monster, now.  
  
Lucifer slowly helped her out of her clothes and she did the same with him. As soon as they were both naked, he started kissing down her body hungrily, like a man who just found an oasis in the middle of the desert. He kissed every inch of her skin until his lips found the place where she needed them the most, his body now at the foot of the bed, his hands cupping her breasts.  
  
He was playing her like his beloved piano, and when she looked down, her hands gripping the sheets as her body shuddered in ecstasy, she found him staring at her, almost into her very soul. She wondered if that was what he did with his “trick": if he could truly see inside everyone's soul except for hers. But she realized that Lucifer didn't need to ask her what she truly desired. He was already giving it to her.  
  
His eyes were black pools of liquid lust, those same eyes that she had seen ablaze with red, alight with hellfire. His hair was slightly messier now, his low growls almost the ones of an animal. He looked like sin personified, and maybe he was. For he knew desire and he knew temptation but most importantly, he knew _her_. Not because of some spell or mojo or whatever that was. He knew her because he had grown to love her.  
  
It seemed like he couldn't get enough and maybe, if they had more time together, she would have let him taste her like that for hours without asking for more. But their time was already over, and they were already living in a bubble ready to burst.  
  
“Please, Lucifer" she begged, lifting his face from between her legs, almost shivering at how sinful he looked as he licked his lips… devilishly, for there was no other way to put it. “I need you now.”  
  
And she knew that in any other circumstance, he would have teased her, mocked her, even. “So eager, Detective” he would have purred, grinning victoriously. Or maybe he would have denied her what she wanted for a bit, just to spite her and then reward her for the wait. But it wasn't the right time to play around, not anymore.  
  
God, they had wasted so much time playing around.  
  
Lucifer nodded and kissed her palm. He moved up her body to give her a kiss on the lips, deliberately stroking her tongue with is, letting her enjoy the taste. He lined himself up to satisfy her request, but suddenly she put a hand on his chest, realizing there was something else she wanted. She only felt a tiny bit ridiculous when she asked: “Your wings, could you… open them… for me?”  
  
He was hovering on top of her, ready to take her. Beautiful, so beautiful even in his human form, even without them spread wide. He blinked, puzzled at first, but then he smirked in satisfaction. She knew a joke was coming this time, and she was grateful for it, because she wanted to remember that moment with fondness. She wanted to keep in mind that, no matter what, some things about him would never change.  
  
“My my, do they turn you on, by any chance? If I had known, this would have happened a very long time ago, love.”  
  
The air in the room shifted as he unfurled his white angel wings behind his naked body. It was so different now, without the suit to cover where they met his skin. Over his shoulder she could see them curling upwards, towering over her as two pearly clouds in the sky.  
  
She took his face in her hands and kissed him, urging him to be inside of her now, wrapping her legs around his middle to draw him in.  
  
When he did, they both groaned at the pleasure, but as Lucifer started pushing into her gently, Chloe’s eyes filled with tears at the thought of that moment having to end. Lucifer had always boasted that he had amazing stamina, and as crazy as that sounded, she wished he could go on for a lifetime and never leave her.  
  
His wings curled slightly inward, folded behind his back but still visible, as Lucifer took her hands in his and placed them on either side of her head. They locked eyes as he thrust, both on the verge of crying, both knowing that was the closest to perfection they would ever reach.  
  
But she would not beg him anymore. Not if it hurt him as he said.  
  
“I love you, so much" Lucifer whispered in her ear, his breath getting more and more uneven. “Please, don't be mad at me. Forgive me.”  
  
“I could never be mad at you" Chloe whispered back, one of her hands escaping Lucifer's grip on the sheets to cover the back of his head, pressing him against her neck, like a baby who needed to be rocked to sleep. “Just- promise you won't forget me. Don't forget me, Lucifer. Don't forget _this_.”  
  
Because obviously, she knew she wouldn't forget him, but what about the other way around? What was that fleeting moment in the eternal lifetime of an immortal being? In a few millennia, or even a few centuries, would Lucifer still think of her?  
  
“Oh, darling,” the Devil said, locking eyes with her again, “no way in _Hell_ I would ever do that.”  
  
Suddenly she was laughing, which quickly turned to crying, but Lucifer didn't let her.  
  
“Shh, shhh" he cooed, his pace excruciatingly slow but exactly the way she needed it to be. “Don't cry, my love, my fearless love.”  
  
They didn't speak after that, and to his credit, Lucifer dragged it out for as long as he could. She reached the peak of her pleasure more than once, and every time he could barely hold back his own. But he did, muscles straining, pupils blown completely black.  
  
In the end, he came as he held her in his arms, Chloe straddling him, with his wings curled around them both. Inside their divine cocoon, he chanted her name like a prayer as she stroked black rebel curls away from his sweaty forehead, telling him it was okay, telling him he could let go now.  
  
Lucifer held her tight as he moved to lie down on the bed with her beside him, one of his wings now under her body, feathers against her cheek. She looked up and smiled in childish awe, for feathers were the only things she could see, as if there was no world beyond, as if they were survivors of a shipwreck sleeping in a hut of their own making on a deserted island, never to be seen or found again. Those same wings that had protected her from bullets were shielding her from the world now, from reality, from the truth that awaited her once the sun would rise.  
  
Chloe reached up to touch the wing that wasn't tucked under her body, but stopped in mid-air. Suddenly, she remembered the first time she had seen Lucifer's scars, two crescent moons almost engraved in the flesh of his back. She remembered seeing, for the very first time, a flash of sorrow in Lucifer's usually gleeful and playful eyes. She remembered the way he had gripped her wrist to stop her.  
  
“Can I touch it?” she asked then, because she knew they were something sacred, something divine, something that didn't even belong in the same earthly dimension she inhabited. And to think that someone had even had the audacity to steal them from him. Back then she thought they were fake, but she knew the truth now.  
  
Lucifer smiled at her with a fondness that she could only define as ancient. Even after everything, she still couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that he had lived for millennia before her, and would live on for many more after her. It was still too big to come to terms with: that Lucifer had been there through everything, that he had seen the world coming to life. And yet, such an ancient being seemed amazed, enthralled, _awed_, even, by _her_.  
  
“Of course you can" he said, one hand holding his face up from the pillow, the other caressing her skin from her shoulder to her hip and back up again.  
  
The feathers were impossibly soft under her fingertips, yet at the same time she knew they could be as hard as steel. It saddened her to think about how many he had lost that day in the shooting, how many had flown away in the wind on that rooftop, soaked in angel blood. For her. But something else saddened her even more.  
  
“I can't believe you cut them off once" she murmured.  
  
“More than once, actually" Lucifer replied, almost absentmindedly. Chloe froze.  
  
“What?”  
  
Lucifer chuckled, the same way he always did when he wanted to make a serious conversation… less serious.  
  
“Back then, I thought He was forcing them on me" he explained, gesturing up at the sky. Oh, right. _Father_. “And as you know, I was in full bad boy rebel mode at the time. As it turned out, they just meant that I was a perfect little angel.”  
  
Chloe laughed and he smiled childishly, but the smile quickly turned into a dirty, knowing grin.  
  
“Well,” he continued, wriggling his eyebrows, “except for when I'm between the sheets, of course. As you are _finally_ aware."  
  
She slapped his shoulder playfully, laughing again. She couldn't believe she was actually laughing, as if Lucifer wasn't about to leave her, but it was Lucifer after all. He would always know just the right thing to say. _He had millennia to perfect his attitude_, the priest had said. _Of course the Prince of Lies knows how to be charming_.  
  
She pushed those thoughts away, for it hurt too much to relive her own betrayal. To distract herself, she didn't take her hand off Lucifer’s shoulder; instead, she kept caressing his skin until her fingers came in contact with the point where his wings met the flesh of his back. They protruded out of his body flawlessly, like a perfect continuation of his figure – like it would have been unnatural for them not to be there.  
  
Lucifer's body tensed up. He knew she was thinking about the scars again.  
  
“Chloe-"  
  
“Promise me you will never cut them off again” she said, her hand retreating to rest on his hip. Because even though she would never see him again, she didn't want to think of him bloodied and scarred. She wanted him to be the angel he was, and the Devil he was, and all that was in between.  
  
A pause.  
  
“I promise.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
They stared at each other quietly, until Chloe's eyelids started to flutter shut, telling her it was time to rest. There were so many things she wanted to say, so many questions she hadn't found the time to ask. And yet, somehow she felt content.  
  
"I will stay with you until you fall asleep, if that's okay" Lucifer said, breaking the silence and her sleepy daze as one of his hands came up to move her hair behind her ear.  
  
“Thank you" she whispered as she smiled. _This way, I won't have to hear you say goodbye again_.  
  
Chloe tried with all her might not to sleep, but it had been an exhausting day, to say the least. She looked at Lucifer in silence to drink him in, and he did the same, until she eventually closed her eyes in a sigh. She could swear she saw him smiling before she finally drifted off to sleep, and she was sure his wings closed around her a bit more in that exact moment, the final caress of a lover heading off into the unknown, a soldier going to war and not knowing if he would return. Only in that case, he actually knew.  
  
It had been their first time, and probably their last, and Chloe knew she would never forget a single instant of it. She had something to remember him by, now.  
  
And yet, when she woke up alone, an endless pit of sadness seemed to engulf her, almost deep enough to drown her. He was gone, this time for good. Her breath quickened as she sat up, her heart squeezed in a panicked grip. But then she looked down at the pillow next to her, and found a pearly white feather. With all the reverence she was capable of, she picked it up and cradled it against her chest, smiling with her eyes closed. The feather radiated an incredible amount of heat, so she kept it pressed where her heart was.  
  
She had a piece of Lucifer now, a gift he had left her willingly as a token of his love. He had entrusted her with an object of divine perfection, knowing she wouldn't use it for greed or power or any kind of personal gain. Knowing she would never sell it, nor put it on display like a trophy. Somehow, it gave her comfort to know he deemed her worthy of keeping it.  
  
And deep down, Chloe hoped that one day Lucifer would knock at her door to have it back.


End file.
